BEing a mom is an emotional job
Being a mom is an emotional job, and wonderfully so. It comes with so much love and amazement. But let’s be real: it also comes with a myriad of less-than-wonderful emotions as well. Can you relate to any of these examples?
Irritated at your children’s incessant bickering
Overwhelmed at the intensity of the physical and emotional needs of your mini-humans
Worried that you’re “doing it wrong” and will screw them up forever
Frustrated that every time you sit down to accomplish something, one of your children interrupts
Defeated because no matter how hard you try, there always seems to be another problem or issue
Fearful of what lies in the future for your children, and for you
All of these emotions, and so many more, are a normal part of the parenting experience. But do you ever feel that they are controlling you and the way you interact with others, and dictating your behaviors? Are you the agent of the actions you take, or are you driven by emotion?
Emotions can be very powerful, IF we choose to give them power over us, The problem is that most of us don’t even realize that we have that choice. Whatever we feel on any given day or at any given moment often determines what kind of day or moment we have.
HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS! It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to be at the mercy of your emotions; you don’t have to be the victim of your feelings. You may not be able to control your emotions when they first arise, but you can prevent them from controlling you.
During my many years as a stay-at-home mom, I often used to wake up in the morning feeling hopeless. For me, that feeling was based on dreading all the “have-to’s” of the day ahead, the assumption that things would be difficult, and the underlying fear that there was nothing else out there for me, aside from dealing with all the “mom things.” From the moment the day started, that feeling of hopelessness, that emotion of defeat, had the power to direct my day. I let myself get dragged around by the emotion, like a blind dog on a leash led by an oversized poster that read “HOPELESS AND DEFEATED.” Subconsciously, that feeling drove everything I did, everything I said, how I said it, and how I showed up to every situation. As a result, I ended up stuck in patterns of behavior that didn’t serve me, such as under-eating and over-drinking. The behaviors that I used in an attempt to counteract the feelings that plagued me were the very behaviors that kept me stuck.
It never occurred to me that it didn’t have to be that way. It never occurred to me that I had choice. The truth is that I, and only I, can choose what my life looks like. Not circumstances, not emotions, not other people: ME. The same is true for all of you. You may feel like your emotions have control over you, but there is a way out of that cycle. You can be the agent of your life; you can take hold of that leash.
Awareness:
The very first step is to gain awareness of all the feelings that run you around. You can do this in several ways:
Share them with someone you trust
Write down everything you are feeling in a journal or notebook, or even a piece of scrap paper. No editing, no holding back.
Create a feelings map: write down the first emotion that comes to mind, circle it and draw a line from there to another emotion. Circle that one, draw a line to the next emotion that comes to mind. And so on.
Action:
I guarantee you this: the minute you share or write down your emotions, you have already broken the cycle. You have separated the emotions from YOU. Pulling them out of your mind creates space between you and them and cuts their power in half.
Change:
Now you can look at them from a different perspective. You will become better able to see how your emotions may be driving your behaviors. From there, you are in a position of power to decide whether those behaviors are serving you or not, and to choose a different path. Maybe you realize that your constant feeling of frustration is causing you to interact with your partner or your children in a way that isn’t making you feel good. By exposing the subconscious ties between your emotions and your behaviors, you empower yourself to break those ties and make different choices.
Gaining this awareness has changed my life. It has empowered me to change the course of my day when I feel an emotion taking me in a direction I don’t like. This does not mean that I don’t feel my emotions; quite the contrary, I allow them to be there. What I don’t allow is for them to dictate my behavior. I intentionally create the awareness and maintain a space between my emotions and my behavior so that at any given time, the way I act is a product of my conscious choice and not of an emotion doing the choosing for me.
TRY THIS OUT! It is available to anyone. All you need is your own mind, and a pen and paper. Send me a message if would like some help in gaining awareness of and insight into the forces driving you to do what you do.